Here’s to making peace.
Source: tannerherriott“Different people have different personalities and some people feel happy and confident when they wake up in the morning every day. And some people are going to feel doubt and worry when they wake up everyday. It’s good to acknowledge early which one you are and make your peace with it. I know no matter what I’m doing, I’m going to wake up worried every single day.”
I have a “real” blog — one I host on my own domain, where I blog about work. I briefly blogged about personal things on it but I received a comment about it one time that made me reconsider the wisdom of doing so. People wanted to read what I had to offer on conversations about technology policy, not my struggles with mood or self-esteem. Despite having interacted with and being aware of many people who tackle those topics in the public eye with their blogs, I’ve always been aware of the tension and ambivalence between two positions on this topic: that the work and personal online presences ought to be, or can be, one and the same; or, that they ought to remain separate but also ought to be public.
It’s taken me a while but I’m realizing that my inability to properly engage with this line of thought is actually a part of the pattern of thinking I’m seeking to overcome at the moment. The mere recognition of this fact is making me feel… a little less constrained, because there is an awful lot I’d like to be able to talk about, publicly and without fear.
One day, perhaps, I’ll put my name to it and not worry about the repercussions to my work life.
Reblogging for future reference.
Source: annfriedmanIn my ongoing quest for the perfect framework for understanding haters, I created The Disapproval Matrix**. (With a deep bow to its inspiration.) This is one way to separate haterade from productive feedback. Here’s how the quadrants break down:
Critics: These are smart people who know something about your field. They are taking a hard look at your work and are not loving it. You’ll probably want to listen to what they have to say, and make some adjustments to your work based on their thoughtful comments.
Lovers: These people are invested in you and are also giving you negative but rational feedback because they want you to improve. Listen to them, too.
Frenemies: Ooooh, this quadrant is tricky. These people really know how to hurt you, because they know you personally or know your work pretty well. But at the end of the day, their criticism is not actually about your work—it’s about you personally. And they aren’t actually interested in a productive conversation that will result in you becoming better at what you do. They just wanna undermine you. Dishonorable mention goes to The Hater Within, aka the irrational voice inside you that says you suck, which usually falls into this quadrant. Tell all of these fools to sit down and shut up.
Haters: This is your garden-variety, often anonymous troll who wants to tear down everything about you for no rational reason. Folks in this quadrant are easy to write off because they’re counterproductive and you don’t even know them. Ignore! Engaging won’t make you any better at what you do. And then rest easy, because having haters is proof your work is finding a wide audience and is sparking conversation. Own it.
The general rule of thumb? When you receive negative feedback that falls into one of the top two quadrants—from experts or people who care about you who are engaging with and rationally critiquing your work—you should probably take their comments to heart. When you receive negative feedback that falls into the bottom two quadrants, you should just let it roll off your back and just keep doin’ you. If you need to amp yourself up about it, may I suggest this #BYEHATER playlist on Spotify? You’re welcome.
** I presented The Disapproval Matrix to the fine folks at MoxieCon in Chicago yesterday, and they seemed to find it useful, so I figured I’d share with the class. It was originally inspired by a question my friend Channing Kennedy submitted to my #Realtalk column at the Columbia Journalism Review.
